Friday, February 12, 2010
Team Irene
Don’t judge. I also read The New Yorker.
The New Yorkers I will leave around so that you’ll assume my life is one big smarty party. The other magazines I recycle, stat.
I’m not talking porno mags here, just your usual tabloid junk. Us Weekly, People, Ok, etc. Mainly I read these on planes. It’s weird. Something about being on a plane makes me yearn to know more about Kim Kardashian. (and there is really very little to be known, trust me)
I know some people only watch Masterpiece Theatre and read Russian novels, but I’m not really friends with them.
I'm not a total idiot (partial, yes). It's just that real life can get pretty damn depressing sometimes. Every once in awhile I have to take a break from standing in the middle of my living room and screaming at the television. (the 24-hour news cycle can be truly exhausting for those of us who like to scream at the television) When things are grim, I like a little magazine bubble gum.
I find the high school like nature of celebrity culture (sluts! betrayal! hook ups! mortal enemies!) oddly comforting. I draw the line at that Kate-who-loves-to-procreate. What a yawn.
So for a little Friday bubble gum, today I give you my perspective on celebrity culture at the ripe old age of 12:
3-6-84
Brooke Shields makes me want to barf. I don’t think she is very pretty and she can't act at all. She goes around with a giant fake smile on her face. I’d like to see someone hit her in the face one of these days and see how often she smiles after that. I swear she looks like a life-sized Barbie doll. I don’t know why Michael (Jackson) goes out with her. Probably because it’s a good person to be seen with. I wish he’d go out with someone like Irene Cara. She’s a lot prettier than Brooke!
It's not so much Brooke that I violently hated (she seems like a perfectly nice lady) -- but rather what Brooke Shields represented in my twisted little adolescent brain.
In this celeb parallel scenario, Michael Jackson is that guy I’m head over heels in love with, but I’ve come to the realization that he’ll never go for me. And I’ve made peace with that. I just don’t want to see him with the perfect little cheerleader type (Brooke). I want him to go for someone like Irene Cara. She’s pretty yet arty.
The kind of person who would be friends with you even if you were a little on the awkward/chubby side. (Which, incidentally, is also why I’m pro-Jennifer Aniston, she seems nice.)
Plus Breakdance was a really good song. Seriously. Well done, Irene:
5-9-84
I wish I could breakdance. It would be so great! I would show off for everyone. People who can breakdance are talented. They have to have rhythm and coordination. I have a little of both, but not enough to breakdance. But, who knows?! I may learn to yet! I love to watch someone breakdance. It’s really exciting. I want to see the movie Breakin’. I also love the song Breakdance by Irene Cara.
Like I said, just a little bubble gum, people. Chew it up.
Then get back to your Russian novels.
3 comments:
HA! I happen to know that you ARE in fact "really friends" with someone who reads Russian novels! Does the name YOUR HUSBAND ring a bell???
Nice try, Laverne. P.S. Irene Cara's no Beyonce if you ask me. But I do like Jennifer Anniston. And I also wish you could breakdance.
I said "ONLY" read Russian novels. He also reads biographies of wrestlers with titles like: "To Be the Man."
I'm still working on the breakdancing. Right now, in fact. Video posts to follow.
Jen, Beyonce and Irene would be the ultimate power posse.
Wow, Laverne, you have got Irene Cara's back! I bet she'd love to know you were so supportive then, and even more so now.
And somehow I can totally picture Laverne doing her best slammin' breakdance moves in the bathroom at 583 Arbor, just YEARNING and ACHING for "Breakin'" to start playing at the Gaslight.
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