Thursday, March 4, 2010
Freedom!
You know that feeling when you finally realize that the person you like is never going to like you back?
The what-if-something-actually-worked-out-for-once party is over, and you’re the last guest to leave. Plus you spilled on the carpet, puked in your own hair, and your ride left hours ago.
This was the first of many of these sort of realizations for me:
Sunday, May 4, 1986
Well, I guess there comes a time in each stage of your life when you realize it’s time to move on. It’s a natural progression. It has to happen. Holding on to past dreams only hurts. You have to set new goals and ambitions. What I am really trying to say is that my obsession with Chris was/is ridiculous to continue. To sacrifice so much of my life/thoughts with nothing to show for it is just plain senseless. It’s time to move on. It’s not healthy to keep this up soo…It’ll be tough, but I’ll cry my tears, and everything will return to normal if not better!!
More later…
"Normal if not better" seems a little sad/pathetic, right? Or maybe not…
(Later on Sunday, May 14)
I am so happy. It suddenly hit me…I’m FREE. Free not to hurry to class so I can walk next to him… FREE not to give a shit what I look like when I go to school in the morning… FREE to not go to the damn library… FREE not to get depressed when he doesn’t talk to me… FREE not to hurry back to school at lunch time… FREE to live for myself for once! I went straight from liking Bobb to Chris and never gave myself the chance to be free. It’s almost summer!! I’ll give it a rest for a while. Maybe I’ll try again next year, maybe not. Either way: I feel WONDERFUL! My GOD – I am only 14 (going on 15) years old!! I don’t need this aggravation!! I am going on a major health kick and by graduation I’m going to be awesome and this summer I am going to party massively! I worry way too much. Enough of that!! Yess!!
MORE LATER!
I’m not sure why I was suddenly going to stop going to the "damn library"…but hey, I’m FREE. (and my “more later” just got a "damn" sight more enthusiastic!)
I may have been 14 (going on 15), but I think I was on to something here. Sure this head-over-heels stuff can be a real rush, but who likes to rush? (or bother to shower before school, for that matter...)
The end of any relationship (or non-relationship that you thought might actually become a relationship given the right outfit and circumstances) seems sad. But what if all that “when one door closes another opens” crap is actually true after all? Better yet, what if behind door number two is one big “massive” party? You won't know until you go through it. Or bust it down, whatever.
Here’s to freedom, kids. Remember, no matter how bleak things may seem, it’s almost summer somewhere. "Yess!"
5 comments:
Every cloud has a silver lining - I love the upbeat approach, Laverne! I recently had similar thoughts after ending my own non-relationship relationship. Not so much with the positive attitude and the massive partying, but definitely with the "why agonize over what I wear/look like anymore" stuff. And the health kick stuff. I also hope to be awesome by graduation.
Skip the damn library and let the massive partying begin!
I can honestly feel the liberation described here. My favorite: FREE not to give a shit what I look like when I go to school in the morning...
Also I still work out to that George Michael song, though I continue to be confused why he had a song called Freedom so soon after Wham did.
I was hoping 1986 was one of the years we partied massively together...but I don't think that happened until 1989.
It's coming TPK, it's coming.
This is one of my all time favorite George Michael songs! It's mood altering good.
Straight from Bob to Chris. I love it! So wise as a young teen. You only forgot to mention free from shaving your legs - or was this before those days started?
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